You know when you’re having a shit day and you just want to chat to someone. Rant it out. Yell. Scream. Cry. Then have them say some stuff that makes you feel better? We all have those days.
But when was the last time you checked that someone wanted to hear all that before you unleashed your inner beast of anguish?
I won’t lie. Before last week I don’t think I have ever asked someone before I offload my thoughts and feelings onto them. Mainly because the people I do this to tend to be a part of my friendship group, my support circle. So I’ve assumed that when things go to shit I can just turn to them and they will listen to me rant all about it. Just like I do for them.
However, last week, for the first time in my life, a friend phoned me and said “Hey, I’m having a shit day. Is it okay if I talk to you about it?” and I replied being like “Of course, why wouldn’t it be okay”. And then they made a really good point.
When someone is having a shit day and offloads that to a friend… they are literally giving that to the friend. The friend then has to carry the burden and deal with it accordingly even if they are having a shit day themselves. And sometimes that may just be too much for them to handle.
So, instead of just going ahead and offloading on someone, we should ask them before we offload whether it is okay to do so. Because if its not then really we should go find someone else. Share the shit day with someone who is, at that moment, entirely mentally capable to not only offer the support that you need but also to look after their own wellbeing.
I do not mean in anyway that we shouldn’t talk to our friends about how our day has been, whether that be good or bad. But that simply we should be mindful of what kind of day they might have had. And to check before offloading onto them.
Just because they say no to the rant once, it does not mean that they won’t be there for you in the future. But anyway, even if they can’t always be that person you offload to, that doesn’t mean their friendship is of any less value. It just has a different dynamic.
Besides, when my friend asked me whether I was okay to have them offload to me, I felt so validated and cared for. Even when they had a shit day they were looking out for my wellbeing as well as theirs. Which is pretty fucking cool.
So yeah, just something to think about next time you call a friend for a rant and a scream and a cry.