Thin.

So, this is a daily prompt challenge… I’ve never done one of these before and I’m still not entirely sure if I know how it works! But I think I’ve hyperlinked the right thing… meh, who knows! Here goes nothing…

I guess the first thing that comes to my mind with this prompt is what must come to most people and that is weight. I’ve never been overly thin, nor over-weight. I’ve always seemed to be in the average mark, a little curvy but rarely a size 12 (English sizes) and, as I’ve mentioned before, size doesn’t really bother me. At least it doesn’t consciously. And I think I am lucky in that respect, many people really struggle with their perception of weight and its gain and loss, and I am grateful that I have always been quite comfortable with how I look.

Having said that, when it gets to summer it is definitely more difficult to be so blasé about weight. I like looking and feeling good in my bikini or shorts, but I also know that I will never be “thin”. Nor do I honestly find “thin” attractive. I am a follower of many girls on Instagram who are plus size models and I think they are stunning. When I look at their photos, I think to myself that I would love to look like that. They always look happy and healthy, and that’s all that really matters right? I don’t want to be a person who watches their diet with a harsh regime or over-exercises in a desperate attempt to shed fat.

However, whenever I gain a little weight, usually around exam season when I don’t have time to go to the gym as much as I usually would, I feel sad. I wear clothes that cover me. I am not large, but I feel larger than usual. I only noticed this the other day, and it made me think. Does it make me a hypocrite? I like how the Instagram plus size models look like online, I like how some of my curvier friends look, yet whenever I gain some extra weight I dislike it on myself. Which seems to me quite hypocritical.

What makes it worse is that I don’t know why I feel like this, it really doesn’t make sense to me. But it happens. And I think the first step to understanding this feeling is to address and acknowledge its existence. I’m a firm believer, in case you couldn’t tell already from past posts, in talking about stuff that makes us uncomfortable. It normalises the topic and opens up a conversation, which in my opinion is usually a good thing!

Does anybody ever feel this way? Or have any possible explanation for why I do? Because I am still trying to figure it out myself.

4 comments

  1. I love posts that make me think and this one did so – thank you :O). I think that we all have an ‘ideal self’ – an image in our minds of the us that we are happy with and if what we see in the mirror deviates from that we become anxious or somehow disappointed in ourselves. If we have a day when we’re feeling confident because our ‘ideal self’ is reflected back at us when we look in the mirror we are not envious of those who are projecting their own ‘ideal self’ – like the plus size models you describe. When our mental and physical images don’t match it’s a different story. Anyway, just a thought – thanks again for the post and have a great day ;O) x

    Liked by 1 person

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