So, this is a daily prompt challenge… I’ve never done one of these before and I’m still not entirely sure if I know how it works! But I think I’ve hyperlinked the right thing… meh, who knows! Here goes nothing…
I guess the first thing that comes to my mind with this prompt is what must come to most people and that is weight. I’ve never been overly thin, nor over-weight. I’ve always seemed to be in the average mark, a little curvy but rarely a size 12 (English sizes) and, as I’ve mentioned before, size doesn’t really bother me. At least it doesn’t consciously. And I think I am lucky in that respect, many people really struggle with their perception of weight and its gain and loss, and I am grateful that I have always been quite comfortable with how I look.
Having said that, when it gets to summer it is definitely more difficult to be so blasé about weight. I like looking and feeling good in my bikini or shorts, but I also know that I will never be “thin”. Nor do I honestly find “thin” attractive. I am a follower of many girls on Instagram who are plus size models and I think they are stunning. When I look at their photos, I think to myself that I would love to look like that. They always look happy and healthy, and that’s all that really matters right? I don’t want to be a person who watches their diet with a harsh regime or over-exercises in a desperate attempt to shed fat.
However, whenever I gain a little weight, usually around exam season when I don’t have time to go to the gym as much as I usually would, I feel sad. I wear clothes that cover me. I am not large, but I feel larger than usual. I only noticed this the other day, and it made me think. Does it make me a hypocrite? I like how the Instagram plus size models look like online, I like how some of my curvier friends look, yet whenever I gain some extra weight I dislike it on myself. Which seems to me quite hypocritical.
What makes it worse is that I don’t know why I feel like this, it really doesn’t make sense to me. But it happens. And I think the first step to understanding this feeling is to address and acknowledge its existence. I’m a firm believer, in case you couldn’t tell already from past posts, in talking about stuff that makes us uncomfortable. It normalises the topic and opens up a conversation, which in my opinion is usually a good thing!
Does anybody ever feel this way? Or have any possible explanation for why I do? Because I am still trying to figure it out myself.