My Porn Series – Part One

One syllable, four letters, a million connotations and viewpoints.

I was perusing WordPress earlier today when I came across a post titled “PORN: A Virgin’s Perspective” and it made me think.

In this blog post BeautyBeyondBones addresses her viewpoints on pornography, which can be outlined as this:

·         It is shocking how many people visit a porn site per day (her statistic is 81 million visits)

·         She has never seen porn herself

·         Our generation is in a ‘heart-sinking’ state because pretty much every guy is watching porn on a regular basis

·         Porn is considered normal

·         Lots of adolescents get into porn because they are looking for a ‘how-to’

·         The world of Porn is dark, full of aggressive sexual behaviour and twisted fetishes

·         Lots of people struggle with a true addiction.

·         Knowing that her future husband most likely will have watched porn terrifies her because she believes it sets an unrealistic standard, that she doesn’t even want to achieve, and so is worried that she will never be ‘enough’ for him

·         Porn objectifies women

·         Porn is killing love

Okay. So that wasn’t as succinct as I had planned but I did want to do her blog as much justice as possible and to do that the context needs to be set (you really should just go check it out for yourself right here!). Therefore, I am going to address this blog post in two parts. This is Part One, funnily enough, and in this part I shall look at the aspects of BeautyBeyondBones’ post that I agree with…

So let’s go.

1.       Porn is considered normal

Yeah it is. That’s a fact. It is normal for people to indulge in watching porn and, to me, that is a good thing. For so long people have been scared to express their sexuality, to talk about and discuss sex in any form whatsoever and that is entirely unhealthy. Oppressing conversations about sex and sexuality is never a good thing, it directs people away from a consent culture, can cause them to have unprotected intercourse and can make them feel ashamed for something that is entirely natural. Sex is natural. It is a part of every day life. Therefore, it is something that should be normalised and discussed in order to create safe and consensual sexual relationships. And porn undeniably has a part to play in this process. How is sex meant to be normalised if people don’t want to talk about Porn? How is Porn going to be made into a safe and moral industry if we don’t talk about it? How is Porn going to encourage consensual and safe sex practices if we don’t talk about it? Porn has to be considered normal in order to discuss all of these things. In fact, I don’t think porn is considered normal enough just yet. It is still considered shameful if people are “caught” watching porn, especially if that person is a female, when there really is nothing to be ashamed of if sexuality is being explored in a safe, consensual and unharming manner.

2.       Lots of adolescents get into porn because they are looking for a how-to

This is also so true and brings me back to my previous point – conversation. If adolescents are in a setting where they don’t feel comfortable enough to ask someone about the how-tos of sex then there is a bigger issue at play here. If adolescents feel the need to resort to porn to learn about sex then they probably aren’t learning about safe sexual practices or consent. Therefore, it is just a demonstration of lack of communication and conversation that this statement even exists. By shaming and denormalising porn, society is encouraging a closure to the conversation about sex and that causes more issues than porn ever will.

3.       Lots of people struggle with a true addiction.

This is a sad fact of life, people struggle with addictions to all sorts of things: drugs, alcohol, sex, money, chocolate and many more. Unfortunately, addiction is a part of real life and what we have to do is work together to support others and ourselves if we feel that a problem of addiction is arising. But this isn’t limited to porn. Nor is everyone who watches porn addicted. Just like how not everyone who drinks, has sex, has money, or eats chocolate is addicted. Porn addiction is an entirely different subject just like how alcoholism is an entirely different subject to having a glass of wine at dinner. People can watch porn, and do, without becoming addicted.

4.       Porn objectifies women

Another entirely correct assertion. But it also objectifies men. In fact, the whole point of it, is to showcase sex in an objectified way. So, as much as I do agree that it is objectifying, I do also think that it was created to be this way in order to fulfil its purpose. It’s a bizarre fact of life but sex does seem to objectify things, it is quite natural. And that’s okay sometimes. When I am initially sexually attracted to someone, it is often in an objectifying way; I am attracted to something about their appearance. As I get to know them this attraction either deteriorates or grows stronger as other aspects come into play, such as personality and compatibility. However, my first decision as to whether I am sexually attracted to them is based off of objectification and I think it is important we talk about and normalise this because otherwise it will become uncontrollable; people will either feel guilty for this natural feeling or purely objectify without taking into account other aspects of another human being. Both are detrimental in entirely different ways but equally as important to combat.

So, there are the statements I agree with. Come back tomorrow to read Porn Part Two!

Let me know what you think so far in the comments, I am genuinely interested in people’s views on pornography!

 

NB Throughout this two blog post Porn Series, I have spoken about porn in relation to heterosexual relationships mainly because this is what BeautyBeyondBones’ original post was about. However, I do realise that this isn’t a topic limited to heterosexual relationships in any way so would love to prompt an open discussion about all of this!

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12 comments

  1. You have a very interesting perspective on the topic I honestly hadn’t considered before. I am slightly against pornography. I say slightly because I don’t have any issues or problem with people watching it honestly. To each their own. I am against some of the topics and fetishes shown in porn that men and women come to think are normal in consensual relationships. For example, excessive toughness or physical use of force during sex. For some people, this is genuinely a pleasurable experience which is fine but I’ve heard first hand men or women get mad that their partners weren’t willing to participate in such activities. I’ve even heard people state they would “try it out anyhow” and “she might end up liking it after all”. These are the conversations that seriously concern me because it goes beyond objectification. Now obviously, I have no way to know if those people were just saying things they didn’t intend to act on or if they ever actually did anything like what they said and I’m absolutely not saying I think all people who watch porn would do anything like that. I have a concern over the industry as a whole perpetuating those mentalities though. I am also against their employment practices. There was a documentary on Netflix about pornographers and the actors/actresses involved. It was horrifying. I didn’t fact check the documentary so it’s entirely possible it was an anti-porn fueled lie but it’s also not a heavily regulated industry so the chances of it being true or a grain of truth being embedded is high in my opinion. I agree, we need to normalize sex. We need to have open lines of communication. We need to teach our children about safe sex, consent, and give them the ability and comfort to ask the awkward how-to questions. We need to ensure our teens and young adults know porn is just a movie and not real standards to set expectations against. I don’t know that porn is the path to those things though. It’s entirely possible to be used as an avenue to open the conversation but I worry with the current content it would not be a healthy conversation.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Those are such good points, and I couldn’t agree more! The porn industry certainly has it’s faults, many of them in fact, and one of the ones that worries me the most is how non-consensual sexual behaviours are normalised. That, in my opinion, is never okay and I do completely understand your point about what people may take away from this type of pornography. It is definitely something that needs to be more regulated, both as an industry and what is produced, but I still don’t think it is as simple as being an evil in the way that it is often portrayed! Thanks so much for your comment, and it has definitely made me think about what type of conversation it could bring about. Even though, to be honest, at the moment I think any type of conversation would be helpful!

      Liked by 2 people

      • I definitely agree a conversation needs to happen and now! 🙂 Perhaps the conversation is the way to get a more regulated, safe pornography industry into existence. Two birds with one stone!

        Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks! I know, it surprised me too… but I guess it goes to show that it really is a normal thing to be going on these sites and so we should be able to have normal conversations about it in order to make sure it is having a positive and constructive effect rather than a negative one! Thanks again for your comment 🙂

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  2. I like your perspective on porn (somewhat weird to say). I remember the other day talking about “why”s of porn. What they show, what people desire, and how it’s talked about. I can’t emphasise more on the importance of communication. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha thank you! I won’t lie, it felt weird to be writing the title “My porn series” but I guess if we feel weird about it and can work through that then we are achieving the desired effect of generating a conversation about it! Ooh the “why’s” of porn sounds like an interesting discussion – let me know if you write something on it because I would love to read it! Thanks again for your comment 🙂

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  3. I cannot help but think of this from a teacher perspective. I work with a lot of teens who display characteristics of unhealthy relationships with their bf/gfs, and have also expressed rather concerning opinions about sex and relationships. I think your point about opening the lines of communication is so important, and I think we need to move past the shame and taboo of talking about porn.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for your comment. I couldn’t agree more, when I was at school it wasn’t really an open topic for discussion and I think this majorly contributed to people have unhealthy opinions and attitudes towards sex and relationships. It is so important to discuss sex, porn, relationships, and everything that goes along with it, in any way I think. The opinion doesn’t matter so much as providing an open, honest and shame-free forum. Thanks again for your comment, it is interesting to have someone from a different perspective share their thoughts on the topic!

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